ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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