Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
