seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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