she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
