I'm jealous of your bromance
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
