I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Randomize
