doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
