Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
