You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
