I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
