Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
