I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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