I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it because I queefed?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
