Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
