If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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