we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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