Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
