Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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