I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish you could order shots online.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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