The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
