Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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