Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
