Your mouth is God's brothel.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
