Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
