that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
