and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
