I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
