I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
love makes seman taste better
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
