3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
