just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
