she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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