currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
