You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
