I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
