You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
