what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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