She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
