My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
