i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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