It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
