I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
