Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
