ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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