By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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