Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
