I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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