Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
