I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
