i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What a fucking waste of an outfit
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
