Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
