that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
