Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need a beard to bite.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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