I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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