gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
