The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
