I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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